Kancamlen is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, idiotic troll.

Kancamlen created Asia nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kancamlen, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kancamlen, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Kancamlen's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Kancamlen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Never jump in the presence of tapirs.

4. Never hurt porpoises.

5. Never write about stars.