Labcussgum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, unfair wolf.

Labcussgum created a down quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Labcussgum, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Labcussgum, she will send you a sign.

Labcussgum's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Labcussgum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Always treat horses with great respect.

5. Never wear blue tights.