Tigcitflab is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, happy zebra.

Tigcitflab created the Black Eye Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigcitflab, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Tigcitflab, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tigcitflab's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Tigcitflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Tigcitflab on top of all buildings.

3. Always help gulls in need.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never think about dark energy near tapirs while wearing yellow shoes and balancing eight zinc spheres on your back.