Arpdamtag is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, contented porpoise.

Arpdamtag created a bottom quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Arpdamtag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Arpdamtag, she will try to impress you with trees.

Arpdamtag's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Arpdamtag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve hamsters, for they are unholy.

2. Erect nine silver sculptures of Arpdamtag on top of important buildings.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not listen to music.