Fencarnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a small, thoughtless squirrel.

Fencarnurl created gold nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fencarnurl, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fencarnurl, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Fencarnurl's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Fencarnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Never eat melons.

3. Erect eight lead sculptures of Fencarnurl on top of important buildings.

4. Always wear magenta.

5. Hide if five grasshopers approach from the north.