Bamquamjin is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, grumpy bat.

Bamquamjin created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bamquamjin, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Bamquamjin, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bamquamjin's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Bamquamjin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat garlic.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near snails while wearing mauve trousers.

3. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not dye your hair gray.

5. Do not drink water in white rooms.