Kikbastlarpquam is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, uncaring newt.

Kikbastlarpquam created vertebrates five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kikbastlarpquam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kikbastlarpquam, she will ignore you.

Kikbastlarpquam's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Kikbastlarpquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gray clothing.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never talk about chlorophyll.