Vonkfigwit is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, emotional wren.

Vonkfigwit created viruses seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkfigwit, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vonkfigwit, it will laugh at you.

Vonkfigwit's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Vonkfigwit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

2. Run away from violet aardvarks, for they are unholy.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Foxes are not to be trusted.