Affudbep is a god.

He takes the form of a large, resourceful clam.

Affudbep created dark energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Affudbep, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Affudbep, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Affudbep's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Affudbep's Holy Commandments

1. Affudbep loves ants, so they must be honoured.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.