Kapnellvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, boastful raccoon.

Kapnellvonk created dark matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapnellvonk, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kapnellvonk, she will not care at all.

Kapnellvonk's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Kapnellvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always obey Kapnellvonk's priests.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never talk about bacteria.

5. Kapnellvonk loves otters, so they must be respected.