Basspangnel is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, egotistical finch.

Basspangnel created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Basspangnel, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Basspangnel, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Basspangnel's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Basspangnel's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Bats are not to be trusted.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

4. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.