Kabfuttit is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, staggering goose.

Kabfuttit created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabfuttit, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kabfuttit, she will manifest in front of you.

Kabfuttit's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Kabfuttit's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near mice while wearing indigo coats and balancing four silver spheres on your legs.

2. Never leap near nematodes.

3. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a building before entering it.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Kabfuttit.

5. Do not stand on grass.