Bassquamnul is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, confident centipede.

Bassquamnul created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassquamnul, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bassquamnul, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Bassquamnul's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bassquamnul's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three squirrels approach from the west.

2. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Bassquamnul on top of all buildings.

3. Never feed cucumbers to sheep while wearing boots.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not make images of living things.