Teenlarg is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, thoughtless narwhal.

Teenlarg created life nine million years ago.

If you believe in Teenlarg, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Teenlarg, it will ignore you.

Teenlarg's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Teenlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not speak about peas.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.