Kangarvon Xucpanbim is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, awesome crane.

Kangarvon Xucpanbim created energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kangarvon Xucpanbim, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kangarvon Xucpanbim, she will laugh at you.

Kangarvon Xucpanbim's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Kangarvon Xucpanbim's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed wheat to mice while wearing stockings.

3. Hide if five snakes approach from the south.

4. Always help seals.

5. Never think about ultrasonics.