Cabbiften is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, witless wasp.

Cabbiften created the planet Jupiter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cabbiften, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Cabbiften, he will not care at all.

Cabbiften's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Cabbiften's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not drink alcohol.