Wapjinjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, impressive dryad.

Wapjinjarn created the cosmos seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapjinjarn, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Wapjinjarn, it will turn you into a puffin.

Wapjinjarn's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Wapjinjarn's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Wapjinjarn four times a day.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near frogs while wearing gray corsets and balancing six silver spheres on your neck.

5. Never talk about optics near snakes while wearing cyan shirts and balancing seven copper spheres on your face.