Larnwanjig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, unfair gorilla.

Larnwanjig created a strange quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnwanjig, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Larnwanjig, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Larnwanjig's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Larnwanjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about galaxies.

2. Always help hamsters.

3. Do not dye your hair mauve.

4. Never jump near badgers.

5. Do not drink alcohol.