Kabparkvad is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omniscient dog.

Kabparkvad created everything that exists five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabparkvad, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Kabparkvad, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Kabparkvad's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Kabparkvad's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry moths.

2. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

3. Never paint your head purple.

4. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.