Hugyimquat is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, omnipotent dugong.

Hugyimquat created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hugyimquat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hugyimquat, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Hugyimquat's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Hugyimquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Hide from cyan great tits for they are unholy.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Hugyimquat.

4. Never feed bread to dolphins while wearing scarves.

5. Erect a large lead sculpture of Hugyimquat on top of all buildings.