Armzigrat is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, blissful seal.

Armzigrat created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Armzigrat, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Armzigrat, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Armzigrat's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Armzigrat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never feed lots of turnips to dolphins while wearing fawn stockings.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

4. Always obey Armzigrat's priests.

5. Do not speak about onions.