Vilnarlkap is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, sapient turtle.

Vilnarlkap created oxygen three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vilnarlkap, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vilnarlkap, she will laugh at you.

Vilnarlkap's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Vilnarlkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near great tits while wearing purple boots and balancing five silver spheres on your arms.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vilnarlkap.

3. Put Vilnarlkap first in all things.

4. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Vilnarlkap in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never talk about asteroids.