Abpakarn is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, uncaring mongoose.

Abpakarn created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Abpakarn, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Abpakarn, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Abpakarn's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Abpakarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Always help foxes.

4. Erect a giant red sculpture of Abpakarn in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.