Pogtarpark is a god.

She takes the form of a large, conceited mongoose.

Pogtarpark created life twelve years ago.

If you believe in Pogtarpark, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Pogtarpark, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Pogtarpark's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Pogtarpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never run near great tits.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never feed lots of aubergines to mice while wearing purple kilts.