Ponbestwee Betyattbop is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, egotistical crow.

Ponbestwee Betyattbop created the planet Venus eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponbestwee Betyattbop, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ponbestwee Betyattbop, he will cry a lot.

Ponbestwee Betyattbop's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ponbestwee Betyattbop's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet foxes, for they are unholy.

2. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always obey Ponbestwee Betyattbop's priests.

5. Always treat tapirs with great respect.