Xuctadhud Narlbamsaf is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, overgenerous guinea pig.

Xuctadhud Narlbamsaf created time and space six million years ago.

If you believe in Xuctadhud Narlbamsaf, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Xuctadhud Narlbamsaf, she will destroy your home planet.

Xuctadhud Narlbamsaf's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Xuctadhud Narlbamsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Never feed onions to sharks while wearing skirts.

3. Do not hurt mice.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Hide from gray ducks for they are unholy.