Boncudflap is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, vain snail.

Boncudflap created the world four billion years ago.

If you believe in Boncudflap, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Boncudflap, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Boncudflap's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Boncudflap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

3. You must love Boncudflap.

4. Never go into cyan rooms.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.