Tailwabpod Yarpdandav is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, dishonourable tortoise.

Tailwabpod Yarpdandav created a top quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tailwabpod Yarpdandav, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tailwabpod Yarpdandav, she will send you a sign.

Tailwabpod Yarpdandav's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Tailwabpod Yarpdandav's Holy Commandments

1. Always help otters.

2. Never talk about optics near pigs while wearing gray jumpers and balancing five aluminium spheres on your back.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

4. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never mention tortoises.