Betvoglan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, dishonourable spider.

Betvoglan created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Betvoglan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Betvoglan, it will strike you with lightening.

Betvoglan's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Betvoglan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Betvoglan.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Always obey Betvoglan's priests.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.