Batdumtig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, contented seal.

Batdumtig created the cosmos seven million years ago.

If you believe in Batdumtig, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Batdumtig, he will not care.

Batdumtig's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Batdumtig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Batdumtig in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always wear orange.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Never feed aubergines to monkeys while wearing gray trousers.