Caplinwig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, capable hyena.

Caplinwig created an up quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Caplinwig, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Caplinwig, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Caplinwig's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Caplinwig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Run away from green squirrels, for they are unholy.

3. Erect a large gold sculpture of Caplinwig on top of all buildings.

4. Feed all hungry swans.

5. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.