Batwap is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, two-faced guinea pig.

Batwap created the cosmos two billion years ago.

If you believe in Batwap, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Batwap, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Batwap's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Batwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to mites while wearing corsets.

2. Always help porpoises.

3. Never wear green kilts.

4. Never skip near shrews.

5. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a room before entering it.