Yartbaflen is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, stupid bird.

Yartbaflen created an up quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartbaflen, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yartbaflen, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Yartbaflen's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Yartbaflen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Feed all hungry otters.

3. Do not wear platinum on your body.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never mention monkeys.