Jatvabkop is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, pitiless lizard.

Jatvabkop created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatvabkop, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jatvabkop, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Jatvabkop's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Jatvabkop's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Run away from black doves, for they are unholy.

3. Always help sick mice.

4. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not wear lead on your body.