Latdapquartbasshanwigcutquart Bestnarquill is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, ill-tempered cobra.

Latdapquartbasshanwigcutquart Bestnarquill created bats six billion years ago.

If you believe in Latdapquartbasshanwigcutquart Bestnarquill, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Latdapquartbasshanwigcutquart Bestnarquill, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Latdapquartbasshanwigcutquart Bestnarquill's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Latdapquartbasshanwigcutquart Bestnarquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about eukaryotes.

2. Never think about dark matter.

3. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Latdapquartbasshanwigcutquart Bestnarquill in the centre of the settlement.

4. Latdapquartbasshanwigcutquart Bestnarquill loves whales, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think about optics near seals while wearing pink jumpers and balancing three nickel spheres on your head.