Nurvenril Lakgilquart is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, boastful porpoise.

Nurvenril Lakgilquart created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurvenril Lakgilquart, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurvenril Lakgilquart, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Nurvenril Lakgilquart's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Nurvenril Lakgilquart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never laugh in the presence of nematodes.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never eat bark.