Nartamyarl is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, prudent porpoise.

Nartamyarl created dark matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartamyarl, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nartamyarl, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Nartamyarl's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Nartamyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horses.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near dolphins while wearing gray kilts and balancing seven gold spheres on your back.

4. Always help sheep.

5. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.