Quamvagveen is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, ill-tempered lobster.

Quamvagveen created oxygen six million years ago.

If you believe in Quamvagveen, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quamvagveen, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Quamvagveen's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Quamvagveen's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tapirs.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never write about special relativity.

5. Do not hurt doves.