Larnyarpyam is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, unselfish turtle.

Larnyarpyam created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnyarpyam, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Larnyarpyam, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Larnyarpyam's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Larnyarpyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into black rooms.

2. Never feed limes to turtles while wearing tights.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never sprint in holy places.

5. Do not wear gold on your body.