Fenpodhak is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, witty weasel.

Fenpodhak created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fenpodhak, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fenpodhak, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Fenpodhak's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Fenpodhak's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never feed cherries to moths while wearing tights.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.