Wonyattfen is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, grumpy hippopotamus.

Wonyattfen created carbon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Wonyattfen, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Wonyattfen, she will turn you into a rat.

Wonyattfen's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Wonyattfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of spinach to seals while wearing gray hats.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Mites are not to be trusted.