Ontzog Sommutbarn Danbigveg is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, irritating penguin.

Ontzog Sommutbarn Danbigveg created the Andromeda Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontzog Sommutbarn Danbigveg, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ontzog Sommutbarn Danbigveg, it will destroy your home planet.

Ontzog Sommutbarn Danbigveg's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Ontzog Sommutbarn Danbigveg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Run away if nine whales approach from the east.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.