Larnzodtarpjin is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, contented dingo.

Larnzodtarpjin created bats three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larnzodtarpjin, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Larnzodtarpjin, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Larnzodtarpjin's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Larnzodtarpjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always look after injured pigs.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.