Jarnmetran is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, conceited aardvark.

Jarnmetran created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnmetran, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Jarnmetran, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Jarnmetran's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Jarnmetran's Holy Commandments

1. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

2. Jarnmetran loves turtles, so they must be respected.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not take Jarnmetran's name in vain.