Barntafgov is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, slow bird.

Barntafgov created viruses three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barntafgov, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Barntafgov, she will cry a lot.

Barntafgov's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Barntafgov's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Barntafgov's priests.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Never paint your back white.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near aardvarks while wearing green trousers.

5. Never talk about fire.