Quamlakfadwat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, quiet spider.

Quamlakfadwat created the universe twelve years ago.

If you believe in Quamlakfadwat, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quamlakfadwat, he will refuse to believe in you.

Quamlakfadwat's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Quamlakfadwat's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate goats.

2. Do not wear indigo clothing.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never chant in the presence of grasshopers.

5. Worship no other gods but Quamlakfadwat.