Ditlakpid is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, quiet salamander.

Ditlakpid created time and space four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditlakpid, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ditlakpid, she will turn you into a worm.

Ditlakpid's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Ditlakpid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no badgers in a building before entering it.

2. Run away from cyan ducks, for they are unholy.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Ditlakpid on top of all buildings.

5. Do not wear orange clothing.