Loppognel is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, merciful crab.

Loppognel created the Sunflower Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loppognel, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Loppognel, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Loppognel's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Loppognel's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear mauve jumpers.

2. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never feed garlic to frogs while wearing green shoes.

5. Never talk about porpoises.