Yattjaplat is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, clever seal.

Yattjaplat created the Andromeda Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yattjaplat, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Yattjaplat, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Yattjaplat's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Yattjaplat's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Never mention dogs.