Flowhogwig Flamgidged is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, proud tortoise.

Flowhogwig Flamgidged created a charm quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Flowhogwig Flamgidged, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Flowhogwig Flamgidged, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Flowhogwig Flamgidged's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Flowhogwig Flamgidged's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine goats approach from the north.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Horses are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Retreat if five frogs approach from the south.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flowhogwig Flamgidged.